I went to New York.

Recently I have come to the conclusion that I must lower my expectations if I want to enjoy life again. Originally, this realization came about as a result of a dry spell I had been having with the opposite sex. It wasn’t so much that I hadn’t met anyone, it was more that I hadn’t met anyone that lived up to my “standards.” These “standards” were set ridiculously high that hardly any woman would ever be able to live up to. But, a bout with my own psyche that lasted almost a year, it wasn’t until I took a trip to the city that never sleeps to help me rearrange my priorities.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t reluctant about going to New York. But, in a manner I cannot blame myself for feeling this way. I was meeting up with people that I know very well, and that I am friends with. Yet I feel very distant from them. As do I feel distant from everybody. But this trip was supposed to be another occurance of my divorce from independence. But, I went, I saw, I enjoyed, and I lived. I keep wondering if other people were to have shown up or decided to go would it have been as much fun? Would I have felt as complete? Is that a reflection towards my feelings of those people who did not go? Additionally what then are the feelings I have towards the people I did go with? I feel like I have a new life. It instilled a sense of purpose in me yet again. The ironic part is, we didn’t even do anything out of the standards of ordinary when visiting a foreign land. We just enjoyed each others company. I suppose I am speaking out of place in speaking for my friends. But all I know is, it really was one of, if not, the best weekends I’ve ever had.

Of late, I have noticed the more I expect something to be bad, the better it turns out to be. I don’t enjoy admitting this, because I feel ashamed that in order to enjoy something I feel I must first deny the fact that it could be enjoyable. This is especially concerning when this something involves being around the people you love. Of course, I don’t always feel I must completely expect something to turn out bad, I think that’s an over statement. But I guess what I have been meaning to say throughout this whole thing is that I must lower the expectations on the things and people in my life. For what would New York have been like if I had expected it to have gone the way I originally would’ve wanted it? Would I have come to the same realization?

Well I don’t know…but I trust that nature does. And by realizing this now I think that it’s preparing me for something I wouldn’t have been prepared for otherwise.