Apr 22nd, 2009
Support system
by Miles Benson
I normally I make it a point to not mention names in this blog. But I just have talk about this while it’s on my mind.
I would like to thank Val, Jenni, Kyle, Chris, Paul, and Jaimie for reminding me why I try to pursue the life I do.
I have had an outstanding, yet discouraging couple of weeks.
It was outstanding because I was able to spend time with these people and have them show me things I have never seen before.
Jenni is one the smartest multi-talented people I have ever met and speaking with her inspires me to write until my fingers fall off, design until my mouse breaks, and play piano until the chords snap. Her bringing me to Yasu and introducing me to this new food and culture makes me feel more alive than I have in years. Her bringing me to Angora and all of these other places I never thought to go in Boston just makes me realize how little I have experienced. Because if I can get excited over two small things like that? You can’t even imagine how excited, flabbergasted, and full of life I am when just speaking with her.
Val picking me up and taking me to Sel dela Terre, reminded why it’s important for me to consider living closer to the city again, and why I love it. It was the sitting by the window, eating fine food, drinking well made drinks, watching people walk into disgusting places like Uno’s and Chili’s and missing something I’ve never had a chance to have. It had less to do with the atmosphere than it did the new experience of it all with Val and seeing something in her that I’ve known I need to adopt from her to become who I need/want to be.
Jaimie flew here and we went to Pho and we talked and talked about the places she had been and things she had seen. And it ruins me to know I have seen such a small fraction of what this world has to offer. Hearing her talk about how she found her job and how she lives her day to day life is so foreign to me but the more and more I talked to her the more it felt right. Like missing something I didn’t even know I would miss because I didn’t think I would ever get a chance to be a part of it.
Paul was the one that got me the job at BC, and continues to have so much faith in me that he continues to give me tasks and projects that I never thought I would be ready for, but he continues to take me out of my comfort zone and give me the kind of new experiences my life has been starving for since I left high school. Him giving me a lot of responsibility makes me feel strong enough to be confident.
Jenni showed me a part of BC that made me realize what I missed by attending the schools I did. She made me realize how much better I could have been professionally if I was schooled with more and different people. She played me songs she had written and showed me paintings she had done and even though the thought that was in the forefront of my brain the whole time was envy, anger and jealousy; I was relived that all those thoughts just made me want to try harder.
Kyle received “Distinguished Achievement” award at the Baldwins, and he deserves it. He won every single year he has been at BC. He is talented beyond measure. Since he is a filmmaker, his talent only can go as far as the people he surrounds himself with. People like Chris who I mentioned earlier. Seeing their friendship and their mutual eye for filmmaking is astounding; but what I was more captivated by were the people they surrounded themselves with. Would they be any less talented than they are now if they didn’t have these people in their life? Probably not, maybe yes, I don’t know. What I think, however, is that it doesn’t hurt their talent by surrounding themselves with the people they do. I would argue it makes it better.
The reason I am talking about all this and listed these specific people is because I need to say something about support systems.
I said at the beginning that I had an outstanding, yet discouraging couple of weeks. The reason I was discouraged was because it’s exceptionally hard for me to be around people who are either younger or the same age as me who have experienced more than me.
I came to the conclusion, again, that this is not the life I feel I could be living. Like many times before when I try to change my life and try to pursue the life I feel as though I want and could be living I can’t. And I know why…
I have no support system. I have encouragement, certainly; but I do not have people to fall back on who can help advise or steer me in the right direction to where I need to go to live the life I want to live. It’s one thing to have someone in your life saying encouraging things and giving advice on what I can do. It’s something else entirely to have people include you and hold your hand a little bit. Which is what I need because I’m trying to change my life entirely from what has come before.
Imagine how awkward and hard it is wanting to change every instinct and other primordial facets of your original upbringing by yourself with no help. I don’t have friends or family who like to or can travel, who can or wants to introduce me to new cultures, go out to fancier restaurants, expose me to things I have never seen before, introduce me to people I have never met and would be really beneficial to meet, or who could afford for me to go to an accredited school so I could meet like-minded individuals.
And because I’ve spent my entire life this way it’s proving to be extremely difficult to try and change how I want to be, because I didn’t grow up like the previously stated six people. I didn’t grow up having friends where I could’ve learned bond strengthening or create connections, I’ve never really had a girlfriend to help instill confidence, and I’ve barely been out of New England to expose myself to other cultures and settings.
So it’s no wonder I have a difficult time trying to get an apartment in Boston or have a hard time trying to plan a vacation to faraway places and worry about losing my job. I have no connections with people that would help me attain these things. I have no support system to help me
That is why I am writing this. To these six people. Who, all they wanted was me in their presence to enjoy a good time, celebrate, and to pass on knowledge and experience. Their lives are lives I feel as though I need to adopt for myself. But I can’t do that if they or people like them do not give me the chance to do so. That is why I am so thankful for their kindness of just letting me in their lives. I may not feel like I can measure up to them now but I will if given the chance to make the life I want to live a reality.
I am reminded of the the Chinese proverb: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
Discussion: Do you feel that holding someone’s hand and showing them something, as opposed to just giving encouraging advice, is “giving a man a fish” or “teaching a man to fish?” (Please leave your comments below, do not message or IM me with your answers)
April 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 am:
That was very sweet!
I do think that holding someone’s hand and showing them something, as opposed to just giving encouraging advice, is “teaching a man to fish.” But the man has to be willing to take the hands, because they are not going to grab him…
April 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 am:
Hmm. That’s a really good point.
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:40 pm:
That was a very heartfelt post. I admire your honesty, and appreciate it :) And I have some words to share:
I feel that it’s difficult to place this dilemma of yours on your upbringing–or on the fact that you didn’t grow up like these six people. Of course you didn’t, and neither did they grow up like each other. Some may not even have had the opportunities you mention that you wish you had in order to pursue the kind of lifestyle you want for yourself.
Know that, though you can look to these people as models and inspirations, upbringing is only a fraction of what made them who they are.
I know that you’re a person who understands that all people have unique experiences in terms of growing up. But remember that it doesn’t really matter whether some grow up with resources more conducive to leading a more artistic/liberating lifestyle, and others with those that are less than helpful. It ultimately comes down to how people choose to utilize those resources to their benefit, and thrust themselves to experience greater things whether or not they had the encouragement, or the helping hand, to push and hold them up.
That being said, I think that setting example is more like teaching a man to fish. But without encouraging advice to go along with the example, it’s difficult for people to find motivation to fish at all.
I like your post :)
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:49 pm:
Chili’s serves damn good food! Stop being pretentious!
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:19 pm:
oh miles. that was so sweet of you. im delighted to be part of your support system :)
April 23rd, 2009 at 10:46 am:
1,600 calories, 78 g fat, 215 g carbs
2,040 calories, 99 g fat, 240 g carbs (and 1 redundant use of “chipotle”)
2,710 calories, 203 g fat, 194 g carbs, 6,360 mg sodium.
2,310 calories, 162 g fat, 123 g carbs, 4,470 mg sodium. (And one redundant use of “Chicago”)
April 23rd, 2009 at 4:39 pm:
Come on! You know the calorie count has little to do with why you don’t like Chili’s and Uno’s. I bet you wouldn’t want to be caught dead in a subway either. P-R-E-N-T-E-T-I-O-U-S. And it’s called portion control. A lot of fine restaurants serve food that is fattening too.
April 23rd, 2009 at 4:39 pm:
Real men don’t count calories. Seriously stop being a pretty boy
April 24th, 2009 at 8:33 am:
I love Subway! Veggie patties 4 lyfe!
April 24th, 2009 at 8:56 am:
Hey Jenni, I do understand maybe these people didn’t grow up in the very black and white ways I am describing that they did. But, I am also not talking solely on how they GREW up but how they live their lives today. And based on personal observation they have a life I want (need) or rather aspects of it. Despite what they think of their lives and the hang up’s they have about it I want (need) to adopt what I see.
“Know that, though you can look to these people as models and inspirations, upbringing is only a fraction of what made them who they are.”
I whole heartedly agree. I only blame others as much as I do myself. And I try to make it point to make sure I write about that in this blog. I feel we should be aware what others are advertently or inadvertently doing to us as well as what we are doing or not doing to ourselves.
“I know that you’re a person who understands that all people have unique experiences in terms of growing up. But remember that it doesn’t really matter whether some grow up with resources more conducive to leading a more artistic/liberating lifestyle, and others with those that are less than helpful. It ultimately comes down to how people choose to utilize those resources to their benefit, and thrust themselves to experience greater things whether or not they had the encouragement, or the helping hand, to push and hold them up.”
See, I don’t necessarily “disagree” with you, I just only half agree with you. I feel it is both what you add to it yourself and how you grew up and how you live currently.
“I think that setting example is more like teaching a man to fish. But without encouraging advice to go along with the example, it’s difficult for people to find motivation to fish at all.”
I like your comment :)
April 27th, 2009 at 4:21 pm:
“Cocktails and calories: Beer, wine and liquor calories can really add up. Here are the breakdowns for your favorite bar beverages – Nutrition”
What wets your whistle? A cold beer? A slushy margarita? A glass of red wine? At a party, a happy hour or a night by the fireplace, a drink is such a natural accompaniment that sometimes we forget about the calories we’re consuming. Big mistake: Calories from alcohol add up quickly. Our bodies don’t register liquids in terms of fullness,” says Elizabeth Somer, R.D., a nutritionist and author of The Origin Diet (Henry Holt, 2001). “The reason you gain weight from alcohol is that you don’t compensate by eating less later. You still eat the same amount, regardless of whether you had the drink.”
Remember this too: Even though the screwdriver you order at brunch has vodka and orange juice, mixed drinks provide little to no nutritional value – only calories. “Alcohol is not an essential nutrient,” says Somer. “It has a diuretic effect on the body. Even if you mix it with orange or cranberry juice, you are more likely to flush the nutrients out of your system.”
food for thought
Here are the calorie equivalents of some of your favorite cocktails in
food terms.
DRINK (CALORIES) FOOD (CALORIES)
1. 12-ounce beer (150) 3 1/2 ounces roasted skinless
chicken breast (142)
2. 6 ounces white wine (120) 4 cups light microwave popcorn
(120)
3. 12-ounce Bartles & Jaymes 4-5 pieces of sushi with vegetables
berry wine cooler (210) and fish (200)
4. Rum and diet Coke (133) Rum and 1 cup vegetarian chili (135) 3
Coke (182) medium whole-wheat pancakes (180)
5. Martini with one olive (184) 1 slice cheese pizza (183)
6. 15-ounce shot tequila/vodka 1 ounce store-bought guacamole dip
(100) (108)
7. Gin and tonic (178) 1 1/2 ounces baked tor tilla chips
with 2 tablespoons salsa (177)
8. 5 ounces Baileys lrish Cream 3.5-ounce lean beef sirloin steak
(468) (201), 1 baked potato (220) with 1
tablespoon fat-free sour cream
(15), green salad (25) with 1
tablespoon fat-free ltalian
dressing (6); total: 467
9. Cosmopolitan (151) 1 soy veggie burger (140)
10. 12-ounce Zima (185) 1 English muffin with 1/2
tablespoon lowfat peanut butter
(183).
April 29th, 2009 at 8:47 am:
Who’re you Barry Allen?
April 29th, 2009 at 5:37 pm:
I don’t get it…even after looking up Barry Allen, apparently better known as the Flash. Which again illustrates my point… PRETENTIOUS
May 7th, 2009 at 3:00 pm:
Barry…the fact that you keep making it a point to call someone pretentious is pretentious in and of itself…Or maybe obnoxious is the better word.
May 8th, 2009 at 8:50 am:
HA! WHAT?! How is me comparing you to Barry Allen pretentious?
May 9th, 2009 at 6:54 pm:
You know that I am gonna have no clue who Barry Allen is. Making esoteric allusions is pretentious!
May 9th, 2009 at 6:55 pm:
Dude! Using the phrase “esoteric allusions” is PRETENTIOUS!
May 9th, 2009 at 6:56 pm:
Calling yourself Axel Rose is pretentious! And gay!
May 10th, 2009 at 10:34 am:
I never thought I’d see two icons of pop culture such as Barry Allen and Axel Rose go at each other…