Get ready for a controversial statement:

I can’t wait for the future. Not because I WANT to hit women. But because I’m tired of women AND men wanting equality but only picking and choosing the benefits and positives of equality. You want equality? You get all of it. The good AND bad.

For those of you wondering what the context of this image is, well, the blue and gold clad super hero above is Booster Gold and he’s from the 25th century who came to the 21st century for some reason, I don’t remember why. And the all white seemingly nude lady is actually a villain who wears all white spandex who commits crimes with a gang of super villains called The Royal Flush Gang.

(According to me, Ferris Bueller, and Boner party)

1. Get along with his friends: If you don’t get along with his friends you are done. Seriously. That is number 1. Even if you think his friends are weirdos or that they might be a little too close, HEY, he is friends with them for a reason, so cut the shit. You’ve probably got some weird and crappy friends too…
2. Rein him in, but only when necessary: You are his girlfriend, not his mother. If he wants to sing to the city on a giant float, let him do it. He’s a big man and he can deal with the consequences. You can nicely remind him, look, if you do that there might be trouble, but if you throw a bitch fit and give him the silent treatment you will look fucking retarded when he has a new girlfriend on his arm from the impressive stunts he’s pulled.
3. Be able to converse and be funny: Simple as that.
4. Be confident: Look, one of the reasons Ferris Bueller loved Sloan Peterson was because she was cool and a classy lady, she didn’t stress. He uttered the words “Let’s get married,” and she didn’t freak out and leave him and get all closed off and weirded out.

   She probably knows if her boyfriend was running through a backyard and saw 2 girls tanning he probably would stop and say hello, but she also knows that he would spend hours of stress and risk his neck to get her out of school to just see her. Relax. You have him. He’s not going anywhere, and if he talks to other girls who the fuck cares YOU are the one he wants to marry.

   Let him have lady friends. Don’t shit on him and get pissed if he has a couple of female friends that he likes to spend time with.

5. Say Eloquent Shit: How much do you use the word “like” in your daily conversation? Drop the habit. Trade for stellar vocab.
6. Pack lightly: The bigger the purse, the lamer the girl. Its called baggage for a reason. (Note: this does not apply for travel with luggage, be fucking prepared. Pack elegant shit in case I want to take you someplace nice and pack hiking shoes if we’re going to a place where you know we’ll be hiking, if you piss and moan because your feet hurt from your designer sandals on some trail and want to turn back you can stay there and I’ll pick you up on my way back).
7. Balance: Be able to keep up with groups of people and don’t make your guy sit at home more than going out, have a balance. Spend an equal amount of time sitting in and going out. Oh and if you’ve got cramps or are tired, take a fucking midol or drink a red bull and strap in. You don’t ever wanna be the girlfriend who is a drag and never wants to go out.
8. “Look like you care” always: Anyone can get dressed up and glamorous but it is how people dress in their days off that is the most sincere.
9. “You do anal, I’ll do prom”: I once told a girl that the only way I’d do something like go to prom was if she did something for me that I felt was comparable, like anal sex. I was joking, sort of…but also kind of serious. If you ask a guy to buy something or do something he doesn’t really want to do, you do something or buy something for him that is comparable. Equality and balance, this is literally how everything in this world works, including small gestures in relationships.
10. Don’t do something for him just because you wanted to get something from him: Don’t tag along to a comic store or a comic convention then hate every minute of it and then use it as a reason to make him do something for you later. Don’t put up with his shit with a smile, hide your feelings, and let it build up and then go all Rene on him:
    

    “You think I care what store in that shitpit dirt mall has the latest Godzilla bootlegs? Do you call eating pizza in the same dive pizzeria every night eating out? Do I give a shit when two major comic book labels are crossing over characters, selling two editions of the same book in varied-ink chromium covers?” – Rene, Mallrats

    Don’t do things for him just to be nice, do things for him because you WANT to be there and sincerely take an interest in what he likes. Don’t do it if you have any inhibitions to begin with.


Update for #9 and #10, 10/05/09:
Alright. So apparently people don’t like the way #9 and #10 are worded. So here’s what I am saying with #9 and #10. #10 is a continuation of #9. Do things for each other to balance out the giving and taking in the relationship but make sure what it is you’re doing “that is comparable” to what is being asked of you to do is something you will take genuine interest in. Don’t do it if you have any inhibitions in the first place.


11. Be a girl: Guys may want a girl they can chill with, but they only want that occasionally on their terms. If they wanted a man, they’d go gay. They may respect that you can chill with guys, burp, fart, pound beers, not high-maintenance, watch sports, etc…but in the end…they want a woman. Not a woman who loves to do those things more than act girly.
12. Be considerate and open-minded: Don’t let the fact that you have more experience in something make me feel small (such as: world traveling, education, or more significant others than I). Don’t remind me that I lack experience around you by constantly talking about ex-boyfriends and all the crazy fun amazing stuff you do all the time like traveling and meeting new people. It doesn’t matter who you are or how much confidence you have, those stories and constant reminders make people feel inadequate like we’d never be enough for you. Not to mention, it reminds us that you have little to no interest in where our relationship is going in the future. You’re just concerned with the next best thing.

PS: Before you get all pissed or worrisome, this is just how I feel. Even though I referenced “men” in general doesn’t mean that I think the entire gender thinks this way. This is just MY opinion. Take it how you will.

Partial source: Boner party