NOTE: This isn’t an emo Miles rant, (In fact I haven’t even dated anyone for a whole year!), this is just an observation that might be able to save you some heartache.

The image above, albeit cliche and contrived, represents the concept of what happens during a break-up. Someone tearing out your heart from your chest. And the reason why it’s so universal and perfect, is because of what the image means.

When someone breaks up with you, they do figuratively tear your heart from your chest. Even if your emotions towards the break-up don’t reflect the intensity behind the action of ‘ripping,’ it is what happens.

I don’t know why it works this way but, you’re never going to be able to get over that person.

So from now on every person that you meet will be meticulously compared to that person.

And unfortunately, none of them will be able to measure up to the false memory that you two once “had.”

And even after the break-up they’ll still keep your heart for a little while. Keep it for small things like, when they’ve had a really shitty day and need someone to talk to they trust.

Eventually, they’ll think that they can give you your heart back when you both find someone new.

Unfortunately it won’t work that way.

Now that they have your heart. You’re pretty much an empty cavity inside. For lack of a better term, heartless.

You will now treat each person you meet with passive aggressive contentiousness that will ruin relationship after relationship for many years to come.

And maybe it’s a little selfish to feel this way since all you have is the memory of what happened to you, we should stop and wonder is it possible you were hurting worse than us?

Still, despite what you might be feeling, our feelings still turn to greed because in the end, for humanity, it’s mainly about what we need.

Regardless of how you handle break-ups usually, this is what happens. The capacity and accessibility of memory and greed cannot allow for anything but; subconsciously or otherwise.

What is this book about?

Big Numbers is an unfinished comic book series by writer Alan Moore and artist Bill Sienkiewicz. Two issues, of a planned twelve, were published in 1990 by Moore’s short-lived imprint Mad Love. Apparently, Moore described this series as “a potential magnum opus.”

In the two issues which were published, the story is about the effect of a new US-backed shopping center development on an English town. Moore tells the story from a number of perspectives, using a range of characters. Every scene is unique and gives a highly detailed insight into this British community. This is helped in no small part by Sienkiewicz’s exceptional artwork.

The idea behind the creation of this book is derived from chaos theory. Which is a scientific theory that rejects the notion of randomness. Based on the issues of Big Numbers that were published, it appears his intent was to use the theory to depict human alienation. The characters are both subtlety and no so subtlety depicted as being trapped inside their own heads, unable to find a relationship or emotional affinity with others despite their best efforts. Their lives are defined by patterns and routines; which is where you can see Moore’s and Sienkiewicz’s inspiration for fractal geometry and the mathematical ideas of Benoît Mandelbrot. When the routines of the characters cross, they bounce off each other, creating tension and inevitable heartache.

Why should you read this book?

Although I’m inclined to say, It’s Alan Moore…just read it! I know that not everyone’s an Alan Moore fan. But, I think he was spot on when he said in an interview that this book could’ve been his magnum opus. He hit it big with Watchmen, sure, but, I think this could’ve been his non-superhero magnum opus.

There are a few reasons why I want you to read this.

Alan Moore and Bill Sienkiewicz use fractal geometry, chaos theory and the mathematical ideas of Benoît Mandelbrot to show that patterns existing at the large scale (the effect of the town) would have existed at a micro scale (the effect on individual characters’ lives). Which, is something I talked about recently in this blog.

The story as near as I can tell based on the two issues that were published is about a woman named Christine who goes to her hometown to finish writing her new book. However, it’s mentioned quite a bit that she just recently had an abortion, so I think she’s coming home more to be with family and friends in light of that, rather than to write a book. But I suppose we’ll never know since the rest of the series is unpublished.

It’s hard recommending a book to people where there is no ending, which I suppose is also why many fans of Alan Moore don’t even know this book exists, because nobody felt as though it was worth talking about since no one had any idea where the story was going. But, the two issues that were published there’s so much information in both of them that set the book up perfectly. And there’s so much great dialogue that really makes you feel.

I guess I can just relate to this story from multiple perspectives. I can relate to the successful author who is now coming back to her hometown and seeing that nothing has changed and people’s lives are exactly the same and having that feeling of remorse and dismay about even wanting to come back home in the first place, but I can also relate to the people of the town who see the now famous author coming home and hanging out with the locals again and having that feeling like you’ve gone no where and seen nothing and your life is wasting away. I can also see the benefit of coming back to my hometown and I can see it’s faults; and you can see that the main character, Christine, deals with the same drama and in her own head.

Personally, I think this story would be boring if it was only about Christine. However, that’s not the case, the story revolved around multiple people’s lives and you get a sense on how the building of this shopping center would start to affect things for the better or for worse for the town’s people. His pairing up with Bill Sienkiewicz was a superb idea. The amount of planning this man must go into when laying out a page must have been grueling. I just want to know what kind of planning went into laying the page out on the left (click the thumbnail, RSS reader’s go to actual post).

I think, Big Numbers had a great chance of being a fine portrait of community in written media. I think, if finished, that Big Numbers would’ve been just as revered as From Hell, Watchmen and V for Vendetta.

So many people write stories like this, but, so few who write stories like this can explain the scientific theory behind the actions of a community.

I think what makes me have so much respect for this unfinished project from Moore and Sienkiewicz is that they take care to eloquently render the pain the characters feel at being unable to make connections. Emotions are all over the place, yet the behavior of the characters remains the same. I have to wonder if behavior remains the same because the emotions are all over the place; maybe it is just science balancing its;ef out. Maybe it’s the only way to create order and control on one’s life. To be emotional and dramatic, maybe, is natural…and possibly even healthy for humanity.