Oct 15th, 2009
To believe in fiction…
by Miles Benson
I’ve kind of always known why I don’t meet anyone. But it wasn’t until last Friday that I actually saw it in action. Laid out in front of me what I’m doing wrong.
I went to River Gods in Cambridge, which by the way, has an amazing vegan/vegetarian menu. I met up with a couple of friends of mine. And I was just supposed to meet up with them for a couple hours for food then drinks and then call it a night. However, we ended up having a great time dancing and talking so we stayed out late. In the midst of all this, a science experiment. Where I was supposed to play the role of the rat. However, instead, I played the role of the observer.
The reason for the science experiment was that at one point during the night a guy sat down next to us by himself and he sat there just having a drink. And I asked the two females I was with how they felt about a guy going to a bar or club by themselves and whether or not that’s a turn-off. They said no, they said it shows confidence. It shows that you’re confidant enough to go to a bar by yourself and confidant enough in your own body and mind. To which my reply was, “you girls are peanut butter bat shit crazy.”
Well, at the end of the night I ended up eating those words.
The lone man, was greeted by a friend that he was apparently meeting there; we’ll call him Chicken thick glasses. The lone man and Chicken thick glasses sat at the bar together by themselves speaking to no one else but each other. While they sat, me and the two female friends were talking about confidence, what it would take to get confidence, and whether or not if that’s even possible. Not long after Chicken thick glasses joined the party two very attractive women entered the bar and came up and ordered a drink. The women I was with then pursued to egg me on trying to get me to talk to them. I was resisting with all the power of the lion of Olympus because I feel like a douche bag when forcing conversation onto strangers. I hate it when certain kinds of people do it to me so I don’t want to become one of those people. So instead I watched as the lone man and Chicken fucking thick glasses suddenly became fucking the Chazz Reinhold (Wedding Crashers) of River Gods!
I shat myself twice and actually came a little too. It was like reading a fucking comic book. Peter Parker and his friend Clark Kent over here swoop in and nail the two hottest girls at the bar! What the shit is that?
I’ve spent an absurd amount of time on this Earth reading comic books, watching movies, and absorbing “fiction.” And a recurring theme throughout fiction is that the nerdy, socially awkward, geekiest, losery, Chicken thick glassesiest always wind up with the hott girl with a great personality. And the primary reason I continue to read this kind of genre is because it gives me hope that especially after witnessing what happened last night that the same can happen for me.
Now, for the crux…In fiction it depicts nerdy socially awkward people find and “get” great women without ever making the first move. Instances and occurrences such as the one I witnessed last night and other many times make feel that cannot be a reality.
However, instances and occurrences I have witnessed over time where nerdy socially awkward people find and do “get” great women without ever making the first move lead me to, well…believe in fiction.
So suffice to say I went home drunk and with nothing but my right hand. No phone numbers. No Facebook addresses. Nothing.
Well where ever you are lone man and Chicken fucking thick glasses, I hope nothing but the best for you regardless of my negative tones and harsh words. Ultimately, I’m just jealous. For your ability to turn my fantasy into a reality.
October 15th, 2009 at 12:47 pm:
Did you write this drunk, too? Such language!
Also, good Lion of Olympus ref.
October 15th, 2009 at 6:26 pm:
I would have to agree with your female friends. I too believe that a man who feels comfortable going out alone and starting conversations with strangers is confident, not weird. Maybe I am wrong, and admittedly I don’t go out very often and haven’t dated in a long time, but isn’t that one of the primary purposes for going out? To meet people, to flirt? So when a man is seen meeting people and flirting, that is totally natural and even expected. I think the “weirder” action is going out and then standing in the background.
One time you asked me what I consider “weird,” male, social behavior, and I basically have two answers:
1. Older men that hit on younger girls
and
2. Douchey “vultures” that go to clubs and stand there watching the girls as if a dance floor is a center ring of a circus. Seriously if you think I’m cute then come talk to me, come dance with me. Don’t stare at me from a wall. That is fricken creepy!
Do other ladies out there agree?
And maybe this isn’t true for all girls, and girls in packs can do odd things, but typically if a guy approaches me and tries to strike up conversation, or flirts with me in a natural, playful way, then I am going to be flattered. Even if I do not accept his advances, it will probably make my day.
So, I know this is SOOOOOOO much easier said than done, but definitely approach girls. Even if they reject you, I guarantee you will make them feel good about themselves. Everyone wants to be noticed and admired, even if she pretends otherwise. And you don’t know if you don’t try, right?
October 15th, 2009 at 6:53 pm:
Hmmm…one thing is bothering me about this. Why do you equate “nerdiness” with unattractiveness? Why do you assume that good looking women don’t like quirky, intellectual men? Maybe these fictions are keeping your hope alive. And I hope they are! I believe you (a self-proclaimed geek) can find a beautiful, well rounded girl. But maybe these fictions are also depicting stock characters that are molding your definition of what it means to be a “man” and a “woman” in terms of stereotypes.
October 16th, 2009 at 5:35 am:
hmmm…my experiences were a little different probably because i hung out in a specific scene, the goth scene. my club going days are a ways back and were on the opposite case, but i remember a little bit even though i tried to kill a good number of brain cells during that time. i always felt it was pretty douchey to just walk up to someone and start talking. we had a fair amount of “tourists” dudes that showed up at goth clubs because they heard the chicks were hot. douches.
in the goth scene, you usually either got an introduction through a mutual acquaintance, or if you showed up at the same club enough times and saw the same person enough times, it became more acceptable to just start up a conversation. more likely, the conversation would start on the dance floor by dancing in the general area of your interest. being a goth club, people didn’t dance _together_. i know, convoluted.
me personally, i’m shy and i’m not going up and starting a conversation with any stranger. don’t care how many drinks are in me. later years out of the club scene, just hanging out with friends at bars, i met no one that wasn’t a friend of a friend.
it’s too early for this and my comment is a bunch of incoherent rambling. and no help at all. oh yeah, and nerd boys rule. i like mine.
October 16th, 2009 at 8:54 am:
Timmy: Yes, I did write this when I was drunk but also when I was a little hung over as well.
And, also, MAKE MINE MARVEL!
October 16th, 2009 at 9:02 am:
Krista:
“Why do you equate “nerdiness” with unattractiveness?”
I’m not sure that I do. Was there something in particular that I said that makes you feel this way?
“Why do you assume that good looking women don’t like quirky, intellectual men?”
Again, I’m not sure that I do. Was there something in particular that I said that makes you feel this way?
“But maybe these fictions are also depicting stock characters that are molding your definition of what it means to be a “man” and a “woman” in terms of stereotypes.”
Elaborate, please.
October 16th, 2009 at 9:10 am:
Laura:
HEY! Yes! I love your blog! I read it all the time! I get so many ideas for recipes and places to eat as a result. So good. Keep it up.
“i always felt it was pretty douchey to just walk up to someone and start talking.”
Right? It sucks. I hate it. Maybe I feel this way too is because I’m from a sort of similar scene? Because I know plenty of women and men who feel this way within the goth scene as well as the indie hipster scenester scene.
“in the goth scene, you usually either got an introduction through a mutual acquaintance, or if you showed up at the same club enough times and saw the same person enough times, it became more acceptable to just start up a conversation. more likely, the conversation would start on the dance floor by dancing in the general area of your interest.”
This brings up a really interesting point. This is precisely how I met anyone I’ve ever met out. Never by going out up and talking to them. This is also how anyone met me.
Thanks for the comment!
October 18th, 2009 at 7:03 pm:
Laura I thought your comment was interesting because that would be a different experience. Most of my experience comes from college, which would be quite a different social scene, and perhaps more allowing of “strangers” striking up conversations, since most people are students and already have that common ground.
October 18th, 2009 at 7:48 pm:
Well, I will first say that mostly I was trying to provide an alternate point of view on the subject. You were saying that immersing yourself in fiction gives you hope that fantasies can actually be realities. You are looking at the bright side of idolizing fiction. And I couldn’t agree with you more. But I was in the statement trying to play devil’s advocate, and maybe show the downside of using fiction to gauge the real world.
But the evidence to support my assumption that you equate nerdiness with unattractiveness, and that you seem to think good looking women don’t go for geeks is: “Peter Parker and his friend Clark Kent over here swoop in and nail the two hottest girls at the bar! What the shit is that?”
I understand that the point of the blog is to celebrate that this experiences proves to you that an assumption you held your whole life (that an awkward nerd can get a sexy girl) is, in fact, not fiction aftterall. That from this you see that nerds can hope!
Despite this, you still seem to be filled with a lot of doubt. I mean even at the end of this you are still referring to it all as fantasy: “Well where ever you are lone man and Chicken fucking thick glasses, I hope nothing but the best for you regardless of my negative tones and harsh words. Ultimately, I’m just jealous. For your ability to turn my fantasy into a reality.” You don’t seem to really believe that nerds can be attractive and that pretty girls can desire them. It is almost as if you are using this story to try and prove it to yourself. Not that you already believe and are trying to prove it to others.
And what I meant by the last comment is that you see Chicken glasses and the other guy and automatically label them as “nerds.” And you see those hot girls and automatically label them as the “unattainable, beautiful women.” Further you label yourself as the “awkward nerd.” But it all seems like stereotypes. And I understand that there is truth in all of this, as all stereotypes are based in reality, but nerds can be extremely charismatic and charming; hot chicks can be intelligent, or dorky. Putting people into categories, as natural an instinct as it is, is often a risky business. And maybe the fiction you immerse yourself in is actually reinforcing these stereotypes of “nerds,” “underdogs who succeed,” ideal women, etc. rather than breaking them down. That is my counter point. Maybe fiction is making you label people, rather than seeing people as individuals. And perhaps it is making you focus on the way people may be labeling you, rather than encouraging you to trust in your own individuality, and to trust that other people can see value your individuality too.
I may not have articulated any of this well. And it may not make sense regardless. Let me know if anything I said makes sense.
P.S. A lot of what I am saying may be coming from my own stereotypes about comics and many popular films primarily containing stock characters.
October 19th, 2009 at 8:49 am:
Krista, I see your point, however, I don’t know any other way to be. This is all I know.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:44 pm:
The bane of us all.